Written by Wan Anis Aqilah Bt Megat Zambri
Studies have found that youngsters raised within a strict parenting environment have a tendency to be more furious and rebellious as young adults. This can be true for most adults. In their childhood, they may feel restricted from doing anything they wished to explore and try for themselves or even with their friends. They have no freedom to make the decision. Due to strict curfews and rules implemented by their parents, they slowly become rebellious. They rebel when their parents are not around or slowly, children find reasons to hide something behind their parents’ back.
Children also tend to tell lies because of this strict upbringing. Children know that their parents are hard to negotiate and communicate with, which is when they start to tell lies. They lie because they are scared of not getting permission. They lie because they want to portray that they are well behaved. There are so many reasons for children to tell lies. Some parents would not accept any explanation given by the children. Some parents cannot even tolerate their children’s behaviour, even though they can be considered as grown-up or teenagers.
Parents who practice strict parenting may want to educate their children and implement early precautions. Yes, everyone knows that strict parenting would make children become more careful in behavior and attitude. Children will be scared of their parents, thus it will reflect in children’s behavior and attitude. Children will be well-behaved and portray an ideal attitude as they are always aware about keeping a good image when their parents were around.
However, parents seem to also forget that they cannot always control their children’s attitude and behavior. The children will have to go to school, mingle around with friends and to meet new people in their lives. Therefore, these people they meet will indirectly give good and bad influences into the children’s lives. Children may learn to team up with their friends to tell lies to each other’s’ parents. This usually happens to the youngsters in development phase, especially in secondary school where they believe that they are already big enough to make decisions and be given freedom by their parents. Children in the development phase are inclined to try most of the new things in life. If their friends are smoking, clubbing, loitering at shopping malls, they may also feel like doing similar things as what their friends are doing. At this point of time, parents have to observe their children, not only at home but at school too.
Therefore, to avoid social problems among children and practice a balanced childhood, children and parents have to develop a relationship where they can talk, share and communicate, even about private matters. Strict parents encourage children to be afraid to even talk with their parents. This situation will open doors for children to tell lies in order to make themselves feel safe.
Here are suggested methods to minimize strict parenting :
- Develop a “friend relationship” with the children to allow them to feel better in sharing their stories.
- Place trust onto the children in whatever they wish to do, but do investigate and observe yourself to know whether it may bring harm or otherwise.
- Let the children explore and experience everything by themselves as children will learn a lot if they have experienced it.
- Always compliment the children as this makes them feel appreciated by their parents.
- Talk nicely to the children.
- Always try to create a “win-win” situation. Example: If your daughter plana to go out with her girlfriends, allow her to do so, but once she comes home, she has to help you with household chores like folding clothes.